One of my exes still keeps in contact with me from time to time and frequently makes comments about us getting back together. Normally I would just chalk this up to me making up in my head but when he says he’ll always love me and ‘if you really love someone it don’t just go away’ it seems pretty clear to me. Now, I politely steered myself out of that conversation because things would never work with him but the problem I have is - do I tell his girlfriend? She’s a royal bitch but part of me still feels like it would be the honorable thing to do to let her know that he wants to see me and still has strong feelings for me…but at the same time…she’s a horrible person. So, to tell or not to tell?

Lose my number, erase every memory you had of me. Forget everything that happened because that’s what I’m doing with you. I don’t need words of encouragement about any aspect of my life or any words at all from you for that matter. You were a dick to me and now you’re redeeming yourself by being good to your new girlfriend. Awesome. Can you do me a favor and suck my dick if you’re gonna try and involve yourself at all in my life next time? I swear, nothing makes me more angry than him. It’s honestly probably why I had that fucking anxiety attack at work the other night. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Whose name will remain as T because I don’t really feel that comfortable disclosing his name. He’s constantly letting me know how attracted he is to me and the feeling is relatively mutual but oh yeah, he’s married. We’ve already made it very clear that we don’t want things to progress but then he tells me videos like Ladi Dadi remind him of me or things like that and my mind just goes berserk. And now there’s another player on the board who’s made great strides in the very little time we’ve been talking. Well, technically the only player on the board because T doesn’t count. Basically, I really shouldn’t be allowed to be unchaperoned while single. I’m getting myself into trouble. I should really just go to work, go home, play xbox, watch movies, sleep, and workout. Save my money. Get my life in check. Make solid friends. But I can’t help wanting that emotional and physical support of a significant other. There’s always some sort of dilemma.

You are not allowed to text me. You are not allowed to assume that we ‘feel the same’ about each other. You’re a scumbag who’s been trying to get back together with me while you have a girlfriend and now you’re all pissed off because she probably found out. And I really don’t even know how she would because you’re literally too stupid for me to waste my breath talking about. Except now. Because I’m angry. This is bullshit.

I will never care how late it is. I will always more than welcome you to warm the coldest regions of this bed, to fill the void that lay next to me at night. During the day I adore the space, sprawling out all over it in every which-way imaginable, but something inside me changes at night and above all else that I desire before my eyes finally close is that intimate touch of someone I care about laying next to me, exchanging cold feet and hands, repositioning in the night, with sleepy kisses when you accidentally wake one another and groaning when the sun rises too quickly and the magic that the night held before has faded. Somewhere, deep down the romantic in me is still afloat at night, but only then is my heart exposed. It becomes shielded with the sunlight and steels over to protect itself from those other hearts who might not care as much as mine does. Something strange about the nighttime. It inspires me to love more than I want to and makes me long for things I cannot have right now, but maybe soon. But you won’t know, the person who all of this should matter most to. Because I can’t tell you. I’d like to, but I can’t open myself like that to you this soon. Maybe one day I will though. Maybe one day you’ll prove me wrong about having to hide everything to keep myself safe. Maybe the night will bring the answers to that as well.

I didn’t get over being in a long distance relationship where I spent all my nights alone to…spend all my nights alone. I’m getting frustrated. I’m tired of being alone and I’m getting impatient.

And I really like that, but it scares me. I like being at least 90% sure of things but I have difficulty reading you so clear signs REALLY help. Just saying. But in all seriousness, my heart likes to throw itself at the things it wants and my brain’s just watching like ‘who the fuck let you out again?’ I’m more than ready to move things along, I just don’t want to ruin it by being pushy. Help. Ugh.